When Theo returns with his beer, he sits down at the table and pushes his plate to the side, watching as Juliabites off the heads of the helpless cubs. “You know,” he says, lining up the five colors of bears in a single file, “there’s a lot of debate about the flavors of gummi bears.”
“They all taste the same.”
“You’re wrong, little grasshopper. The red, your bear of choice, is actually marinara sauce.” He pops the red raspberry gummi in his mouth and chews with his eyes closed. “Orange is a favorite among Cheetos lovers – which goes great with banana cream pie.” Theo eats the orange and lemon bear, keeping his smile at bay while he continues. “Now the colorless wonder of this guy,” he pinches the pineapple bear between his fingers, “is the biggest secret in the candy world. I’ve heard rumors ranging from LSD to old man jizz, but I know a guy, who knows a guy, who works at Haribo … and I can tell you, off the record, the clear bear is silicone.”
“You’re so full of shit, Theo Barnes.”
He holds up a hand. “Let me finish.” Taking the last remaining bear from the lineup, he mutters, “Poor, poor, unlovable green. What did the flavor green ever do to you?” Theo holds the bear between his thumb and index finger, and speaks directly to its disfigured face. “I know, fella. It sucks to be tossed back in the bowl. But I will eat you, green gummi!”
“So what’s the flavor of green, according to Theo?”
Lobbing it at his sexy mouth, he reveals, “Oh, it’s definitely strawberry.”